Falling Into Insanity, Not Really
by Nocturniquette
Summary: Sten and the Elven Grey Warden get one over on the former Antivan Crow, Zevran. Contains trace amounts of SLASH! This is a humorous one-shot. NOT to be taken seriously.


**Disclaimer**: I do not own Dragon Age Origins. Hell, I don't even own the game that I play on the 360.

**WARNINGS**: Sten, **slash**, Zevran, **slash**, Ally, **slash**, Theron, and **slash**. Did I mention the **slash**?

**AN**: Please do not send me flames about the pairing, or the **slash **content. You were warned.

**AN2**: Any mistakes you see are mine. If you see any, please be helpful and point them out to me.

Thank you. Now, on with the crackfic! :D

* * *

Alistair stared at his fellow Grey Warden, who kept shooting the silent Qunari thoughtful glances every now and then.

Not many people would call him smart or observant (they may be onto something there), But even **he** could see that something was brewing between the cocky Elf and quiet Qunari.

"Hey, Sten." The dark-skinned human-like creature turned his head to stare at the pale-colored Elf.

"What is it, kadan?" Sten's eyes were glowing a deep, smoldering red, thanks to the glow of the small bonfire.

The black-haired, grey-eyed Grey Warden cocked his head to the side, a small smile playing across his mouth. "What does that mean?" he questioned.

Sten didn't answer, but somehow managed to give the Elf the impression that he was asking a question.

The Dalish Elf laughed at himself quietly. "Sorry. What does "kadan" mean?"

Sten looked away and didn't answer.

Alistair squinted as he watched the mercenary, and was that…! Was that a **blush**!? Was **Sten** **blushing**!? Alistair smiled as he continued to listen to the conversation. This was getting **interesting**…

* * *

"Sten?"

Said Qunari sighed lowly, and stared back at the much smaller Elf. "Kadan…is a term of…endearment we give to selected people in our tribe."

Alistair and Sten both noticed how the Elf's light-grey eyes brightened mischievously.

"Am I special to you Sten?" Theron, The Elf, asked.

"No." Sten said with finality.

"Liar." The Dalish Elf accused teasingly. Sten glared at him. Theron smiled back.

"I'm going to sleep. Do not disturb me." The Qunari suddenly announced and went inside his tent. Theron pouted.

The Elf brightened suddenly and Alistair had to take a couple of steps back lest he get a face-full of an exuberant Elf.

"Ally!" "Ally's" eye twitched.

"You need something?" he asked. Theron nodded. "Sten left me."

Alistair raised an eyebrow.

"How can you be so….so…."Alistair trailed off, trying to think of the right word.

"Playful with him?" Theron suggested helpfully.

"Yeah! Playful! How come you can talk to him like that and no one else can? If I tried to talk to him like that, he'd cleave my head off!"

Theron snickered before replying. "I've always talked to him like that." The Elf shrugged it off.

"I know. What I'm asking is why _**can**_ you?" The senior Grey Warden asked. "He likes me, duh."

Alistair opened his mouth to tell the Dalish Elf _**exactly**_ how much the Qunari mercenary "_**liked**_" him, but decided against it.

After all, he wanted to see this thing play out.

* * *

"I'm going to bed now, you should do the same."

Theron pouted again, and Alistair gulped convulsively.

He wasn't gay or anything, but these damn elves were just too pretty!

"Night!" he called and beat a hasty retreat into his own tent.

Theron's pout deepened.

Zevran stared from afar.

Theron skipped, (_**skipped!**_) over to Sten's tent and went inside.

Zevran's jaw dropped open.

Not even he was **that** reckless!

* * *

Curiosity getting the better of him, Zevran crept silently over to the tent, making sure he stayed in the shadows.

"…Kadan…what are you doing?"

"Relaxing, what does it look like?"

"You're invading my space, Elf."

"No, I'm not." Theron argued.

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you---" a sigh. "**Fine**, you can stay." Sten gave in.

"Ha! I knew I'd win you over eventually!" The happy Elf exclaimed.

"……"

"Are you listening to me?"

"…Kind of hard to ignore you when your in my face." Sten pointed out quietly.

"I'm sleeping with you tonight," Theron suddenly announced.

Outside the tent, Zevran choked.

"Not where you're at." Sten said firmly.

"Aww! What's wrong with my position?" Theron whined and the former Antivan Crow just **knew **that the Dalish Elf had a pout on those plump pink lips of his.

"Your sitting on me, it is uncomfortable."

"Uncomfortable because I'm sitting on your---" Whatever the Elf was going to say was cut off by a clinking sound, a thud, and a squeaky type of gasp.

_Then_:

"You were saying?" Sten sounded different. His voice was huskier, and Zevran's eyes widened in realization.

"I…uh…suddenly lost my train of thought…" Theron sounded…dazed?

"Can't possibly imagine why." Sten deadpanned, yet he also sounded amused.

"Perhaps I should rile you up more." Theron replied. "Your fun when you're like this."

"Or…perhaps I should rile you up right now." Sten suggested.

Zevran didn't stay to hear his fellow elf's reply. He thought he knew what was going on, but if he'd have stayed a bit longer, he would've realized he'd been hoodwinked.

"Is he gone yet?" Theron asked.

"I believe so, kadan." Sten replied.

"Thank the Gods above. He's been pestering me for sex for a while now. Usually, I would be flattered at the attention, but Zev's…he just doesn't quit."

"I can cleave his head off for you," Sten offered.

Theron laughed loudly, thinking about Ally's words earlier.

"I don't think you'll have to. He'll stay away from me after this."

"Hmph. Indeed." Sten agreed.

A lengthy silence ensued.

_Then_:

"Are you going to get off me?"

"No."

"Why not?" Theron whined.

"I'm comfortable."

"I'm not."

Sten ignored him.

"Hey! You can get off of me now!"

Sten kept ignoring him.

"Hey! Stop ignoring me! _HEY_!"

Sten put a large hand over the Elf's mouth.

"Shush, kadan. Go to sleep. And **yes**, I will get off of you."

A series of clinking noises were heard as Sten presumably got off the much smaller elf.

"Marsharra." Sten said, the Qunari greeting for goodnight.

"Aden'athil." Theron replied, a happy smile on his face.

And thus, the story of Sten and Theron was known around the camp before the two woke up the next morning.

* * *

Zevran avoided Theron, because it always seemed like he was around the Qunari...and he knew better than take what was a Qunari's. That didn't stop him from staring though.

Alistair cursed himself for missing out on the action....why was he always gone when the fun stuff happened!?

Morrigan didn't give a damn. Period.

Oghren thought it was weird, but got over it quickly enough. If the Elf and the mercenary wanted to rut, then that was their business. He'd toast to them as soon as he found more alcohol.

Wynne said nothing on the matter, for every time she tried, she was death glared by Sten. She merely watched the two, a secret smile on her face. At least there was some happiness coming out of all this war and death.

Leliana sang bard songs of love every time she saw the two together. Which was a lot. Morrigan was planning on cursing her soon if she didn't shut up.

Sten and Theron did absolutely nothing to dispel the rumor of them being lovers. It was fun keeping up the charade after all.

* * *

**THE END**

I hope you enjoyed the story! Thank you for reading!


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